Keep it Real

Sometimes you have to wonder... Let me just say I am (PC) Morbidly Obese... I just say I'm fat. That makes some people really uncomfortably. I don't mean to make them feel that way any more than I believe my friends don't mean to make me feel bad when they make a reference to someone else who is over weight by saying she was (reach out touch my hand and say I don't want to offend you) So then I say large. They laugh and say yes... As if it gives them permission to make fun of FAT People.. However it makes me wonder if they ask my permission to make fun of over weight people in front of me then what are they doing when I'm not there. It makes me feel like I'm not really accepted only tolerated. I realize that some folks don't know any better, but really? It is the same thing about tattoos. People say did you see her she had tattoos all over her. Then as an after thought look at me and say well you know what I mean. My answer is why yes I do and it applies to me too. So here is the question. Why can't people just keep it real. Why can't they truly be honest if they really want to be your friend. It's not like the person who you are trying so hard to keep from knowing how you really feel doesn't already know it. I can't name how many times I haven't wanted to attend a so called friends function because I know that all the other people there are doing their best not to offend me. Walking around not telling their observations of the rough girl and her tattoos, and the over weight woman who was hilarious because of what she was wearing. I chose the tattoos and have to deal with the ridicule or the negative responses. I did not however choose to be this weight and I can't do anything about it so... Yeah it hurts my feelings so called friends. Just like it would hurt yours if I made observations or pointed out your flaws. Guess what... you have them too. Just keep things real. Don't treat me any different than you would any one else. If you are choosing to make fun of those of us who are over weight please don't pretend that I am some how excluded. I'm not. Just keeping it real.

Deep

Often in times things happen that really make me take a deep look at my own self. In my life time I have had the honor to grow up with extremely smart and talented people. I have always been so proud of my Parents accomplishments and in awe of my siblings talents. All of my siblings have musical talent that is evident, but they all have other just as amazing talents. I have always been so proud of them and secretly wished I could have some of that talent. Don't get me wrong I can keep time and stay on key but nothing amazing musically and I have other talents like being an awesome mom and a good wife. So I'm not on a pity party or anything but I need to say that to say this. I have been present more times then I can count when my parents or siblings have been given high praise and witnessed them being told how talented they are on numerous subjects and I have always, always, been extremely proud. I was proud of them and proud to be their sister. None of my siblings can say the same thing about me. None of them have ever sat and listened to someone tell me how talented I am. How would they react? I assume they would be just as proud of me as I have always been of them. That's what family is suppose to be supportive of each other and proud of each other's accomplishments. So why do family's not support one another. I know a lot of families who are broken. I hate that for them. I am so lucky and blessed to have a family that I would do anything for and we have called on one another in our times of need. Let's face in life if you don't have people around you who got your back then life would be super lonely. All families have things that happen that we all don't agree with, lets face it we are all different people and have different likes and dislikes. I hope that we can see past our differences and forgive, agree to disagree and move on. I worry a lot about our daughter, she is an only child and when we are gone who will she have. She will be all alone in this world. I have shed many tears about that particular subject. I wish I could give her a sibling so that she will have someone to turn to in times of doubt, grief, and celebration. Someone to spend holidays with life is hard enough without trying to do it all alone. So I guess what am saying is that all you only children who have grown up and lost both of your parents. I admire you.. Family is important and we should never forget that.

Loss of my Daddy

January 21, 2015 my entire world crashed down on top of me. My Dad was not only an amazing dad but he was an amazing man. He was the next to youngest of seven children. He was born in 1928 just before the great depression. His parents did not have any money, his dad was a barber and his mother took in washing to help feed the family. Daddy always said we were poor but we didn't know it. He was a child of dyslexia long before they had any idea what that meant. He was labeled dumb and put to the back of the class. Bye the time daddy reached 8th grade his dad and mother had divorced and his mother was trying to take care of four boys on her own. My dad's dad was battling kidney caner at the time. So dad quit school to get a job and help keep food on the table. Dad and his family lived in Portsmouth when the 1937 flood hit. He use to tell us stories about that time. People back in those days just took what ever came at them and survived. They didn't spend time complaining or figuring out how to get out of work they went to work and made it happen. A few years after dad quit school he joined the CCC camp and left home for the very first time. All alone he traveled to Idaho where he and a bunch of other young boys helped clean up after forest fires. It was Idaho that my dad worked his way in to running the canteen and he went to night school and completed his education receiving his high school diploma from a High School in Idaho. Dad stayed in Idaho until the war broke out. He then at 18 joined the Merchant Marines. Dad was very good at steering the ship and he was offered a war time safe position of teaching others to steer the MM Ships. Dad didn't do that though instead he opted to sail all the way around the world risking his life to deliver ammunition and supplies to those fighting on land overseas. After the war dad came home and did several jobs, milk company, bakery, played music, and eventually met my mother got married and moved to Northern Ohio for work. After a winter up there they both decided that they wanted to come back to Portsmouth. Dad was working for the milk company when an opportunity rose for him to work as a radio deejay. He applied and was given the job and his life carrier was born. All of those things and a lot more I left out happened way before I was ever even thought of. After I was born Dad and Mom were playing music everywhere and Dad was doing his radio show and appearing everywhere. Doing a television show and a live show at the County Fair. What a fun life I had growing up. Later they started running bus tours and I was able to go all over this country and see all kinds of wonderful things thanks to my parents. Daddy loved entertaining, making people laugh and feel good was what he lived for and it wasn't just his listeners it was everyone. I think he successfully entertained people for the biggest part of his life. Daddy and I were very very close. I was the youngest of his children, his baby. I went on sale's calls with dad all the time and spent as much time at the radio station as possible. My senior year of high school I got out of school at 11:30 every day because I had a job. I didn't have to go to work until 6 pm in the evening so I headed to the radio station every chance I could to be with dad. Dad shared a love for animals with me and I spent a large amount of time with him outside with our dogs and cats. If dad was home I was usually wherever he was. I confided everything to him. He and I shared the love of story telling and writing and would often have contests on writing poems and such. As daddy became ill and started dealing with his Alzheimer's he would confide in me that he knew something was wrong and he leaned on me a lot. I'm so glad he did. The last years of daddy's life he couldn't see very well at all or hear and so it was really hard to communicate with him especially in his confusion. One thing was perfectly clear with daddy he never forgot any of us and any time we would walk in the room he would light up and smile that beautiful smile. My heart will never mend from this loss. I know he has peace and is in a better place than I can ever imagine but I know that he lives in my heart and my memories and there are times that's enough. There are other times though that I can't imagine not hearing him talk to me or tell me a silly story. I will miss you for the rest of my life. I love you daddy.

Getting Started

So here is my first post in my new blog. I have loved to write since I can remember but I have never really been any good at it. Lately however I have decided life is to short to worry so much about what we are good at or not good at. The other day I was waiting on my niece and her kids to shop at Kroger. I was sitting in the store entrance on a bench. I was watching the people come in and out and smiling at them as to say hello. So many of them would look at you quickly and then just as quick look away as if anticipating they may have to inter act with me. Others would look and just not smile, some would smile after a few seconds like a delayed reaction. Some did smile back right away. It seemed to me that everyone seemed to be in a really big hurry (except my niece). I also observed how people looked and it made me think about how hung up we all are on how we look. Do we ever take the time to look around at how other people look? I don't think we do. I think we have that one person in our life who's hair is great and makeup is good and is what we think is the perfect weight and that's who we compare ourselves to. The truth is there are more of us running around in our comfy clothes without makeup then you think. Stop and watch folks for a while and you will see. We are all so caught up in appearance that we forget to look at people. Guys I'm not leaving you out either. You do it too! It may not be so much about how others look that your concerned with and I'm not a guy but I know you worry about weight, how much hair you have on your head. Seriously we need to focus less on others appearance and see we all are dealing with the same things. Weight, aging, hair. Take back your joy and don't let what others look like, or have be how you measure yourself. Trust me someone is doing the same thing to you.